Being John Daly — the latest Golf Channel reality offering — premièred last night with a slimmer, poorer and happier JD than we’ve seen in, well, ever.

It seems that good old Long John has finally gained control of his out-of-control life. He quit drinking. He quit gambling. He even quit marrying his girlfriends (much to the chagrin of Anna, his latest, who will have to make do with the consolation prize of reality fame).

Of course, a lifestyle change of this magnitude could not have transpired without a slew of TV cameras in tow. They followed the golf icon through vision and lap-band procedures. They watched as he shed 100-or-so unnecessary pounds. The result is a more prepared and motivated man with a burning desire to regain his long-lost golf game.

So, what does Not-So-Big John do now? Well, not a whole lot — at least in the first episode of his new show. There, we witnessed Daly bumming around his Dardanelle, Ariz., house, smoking and contemplating his career in a series of black-and-white, slow-motion montages. Between cigarettes, Daly fiddles around with his guitar, irons his Loudmouth Golf Apparel pants (once you see them you’ll understand the moniker) and sends letters to PGA tournament directors beseeching his inclusion in their events.

Being John Daly teaches us that despite his sloppy behaviour, Daly is actually a tidy guy with an organized closet. We also discover his sentimental side. It seems Daly loves nothing more than emotional, fireside chit-chats with his best golf buddies. It’s hard to believe, but John Daly might just be too boring for TV.

This is not JD’s first kick at the reality show can. In 2006, The Daly Planet — another Golf Channel original — followed a wilder (but not wildest) Daly as cruised the globe in a private jet, dumped wads of cash in Vegas casinos and jammed with Hootie & the Blowfish. The show fizzled because the producers neglected to include the really fun bits — John passing out at Hooters; John enduring his wife’s steak-knife attack; John smashing a fan’s camera into a tree … the kind of awesome fare reality TV eats up.

This time, if the new Daly stays on the straight and narrow, Golf Channel editors will have less to work with than his swing coach (after all, you can only sequence film of a man smoking on his front stoop in so many ways).

Without a doubt, then, the show’s success hinges on Daly’s golf comeback. A return to glory on the golf course could make for one of the greatest underdog triumphs in sporting history. It would surely grip and rip his reality ratings to the top of the leader board. There’s just one problem: Daly’s golf game stinks. 
“I can’t compete. I can’t play like I used to,” Daly stammered after missing the first two cuts of his PGA Tour comeback. Ranked 208th in the world, Daly finally advanced to weekend play at his fourth event of the year, which allowed him to shoot a final round 81. Ouch. 

The eight-part series ends in April. At that point, if Daly is still better with a clothes iron than he is with a nine-iron, he’ll have shanked another comeback, along with another reality show.

Being John Daly airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on The Golf Channel.

 

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